Happy Birthday Chad

Today, January 25^th, we would be celebrating my brother’s 33^rd birthday.  When I think of him passing at the age of twenty, one of the first thoughts that always enters my head is being sad for him that he never reached legal drinking age.  I couldn’t wait for this day when I was twenty, but honestly, he probably could have cared less.  Chad didn’t get into trouble.  He was quiet, kind, responsible, thoughtful, tall, handsome… any mamma’s dream child.

Chad lived a peaceful and content life at home with my Mom, Cassie, and Jack.  He loved his video games and actually liked his job at Federal Express.  Nothing breaks my heart more than not being home with him and my family his last couple years.  As the years pass, my memories fade, and that is gut wrenching.  I have tried and tried to remember the last time we were together or our last conversation, and both have vanished.  I do know the last time we talked over the phone we had discussed something about my cat, and I do recall for certain we had laughed.  I miss him so much.  How ironic that my memory fails me in our last times together, but those horrible days when he passed are etched in my mind, no detail unscathed. 

There are some memories that have not escaped.  Riding in the back of Grandma and Grandpa’s car, hunched down on the floor, counting the turns until we arrived at their home.  Taking turns playing Barbies and GI Joes.  We would suck it up for one another and who are we kidding… those two made a great couple… Ken has nothing on GI Joe.  Playing the commercial game where we would rotate through commercials and whatever popped on the TV was yours to keep.  I think I am still owed a few cars. The Offspring.  Chad didn’t mess around with his music.  After he was gone I took this CD of his… not the most relaxing tunes… but they bring back sweet memories of my brother.  Going to see WrestleMania with our cousins Taylor and Trevor, only to be forced to leave by our dads before Hulk Hogan made his debut, because it was a school night.

I would give absolutely anything to have my brother back.  I do believe that things happen for a reason though.  Even the most awful, unimaginable things. After his death I had a hard time believing anything positive could come from loosing my brother.  We were all in shock and just so sad… and really weren’t sure how to move on.  But his death gave my family a deep-seeded relationship with God, one that was lacking before he passed.  It brought us back to the church and to God’s loving embrace.  It’s hard to understand why God takes those we cherish… but I now know it was Chad’s time and I wait for the day where my family and I will be reunited with him.  It saddens my heart that my girls will never know their Uncle Chad, but I am eternally grateful they have a true guardian angel to watch and guide them always. 

These words are from the obituary... pretty much sums it up.

Through the storm God reached down with his hand and picked the most precious soul on earth to come and serve him for urgent reasons we cannot understand.  He didn’t give us time to say good-bye or how much we all loved him.  He will live forever in our hearts, souls, thoughts, and prayers.  He was a deserved soul on earth and is twice the angel in heaven.  So it is not good-bye, but so long our son for we will see you soon.

Happy birthday little brother!